[00:00:00] Jocelyn: Listen, Henny makes me wanna fight Tequila makes me want to kiss . There's 

[00:00:09] Stephanie: today on The Beyond Dating podcast, Jocelyn Aker shared with us what it's like dating as a good Christian girl in la.

[00:00:37] Jocelyn: And our 

[00:00:37] Stephanie: sponsor for today's episodes is Beyond the newest dating app in town. Check it out at Date Beyond dot. What's it like dating as a good little Christian girl in the crazy city of Los 

[00:00:49] Jocelyn: Angeles? Well, honestly, it's nonexistent. given LA is not really the place for dating, to be honest. Okay. You know, LA is kind of where people go for fame, fortune, but.

Dating is like something that's always put on the back burner. People don't really think about, you know, who they want to be with long-term here. Mm-hmm. , you know, so it's 

[00:01:21] Stephanie: like short-term relationships, casual, all that stuff, but nothing. 

[00:01:27] Jocelyn: I guess you can say like casual flings here and there. I've had, but I wouldn't consider it like a casual fling, cuz I'll like someone and it'll just go nowhere.

Like , kind of like la Oh no, . 

[00:01:44] Stephanie: Would you care to elaborate on that? Like 

[00:01:46] Jocelyn: tell me more. Well, I'll like someone and you know, , the next thing you want is them to like you back. Mm-hmm. . And I can, of course I can get that, that's easy, you know, . But for them to see me as more than just a casual thing is a totally different story, you know?

Mm-hmm. . Yeah. 

[00:02:12] Stephanie: So how, how do you find people to date in LA and. I mean, where do I avoid to, to go find people to do, where 

[00:02:24] Jocelyn: do I avoid ? Um, I would say for me, if I'm looking for someone, I would go. , honestly, just live your life. Live your life as you live your life. Normally, coffee shops, you know, whatever you do normally, especially Christian girl, go to church, , um, go to freaking out to dinner.

Go to clubs if you like, going to clubs, you could find someone anywhere, but places to avoid. Would be the club. You know, that's what they say in general, you know, void the club, but you could still find a good man in the club. Just might be an off day for him. . . 

[00:03:05] Stephanie: Go to the club, but don't go to the club. Yes.

Yeah. I feel you. Certain clubs. Okay. But church, like club church, how is that for finding men? Because you know, I've heard things about church boys and you know, , 

[00:03:19] Jocelyn: you wanna hear something crazy. Yes. So I used to have the biggest crush on. , um, , I don't wanna out myself, but I used to have the biggest crush on someone at church and, you know, they were kind of, you know, one of the important people and we ended up talking a little, but it never went anywhere.

Um, he ended up banging one of my friends that he saw on my Instagram profile, . Oh no. So, yeah. Crazy story . Oh my gosh. 

[00:03:52] Stephanie: Exactly what I heard about the boys

[00:03:54] Jocelyn: in church. Yeah. I mean, 

[00:03:58] Stephanie: I mean, are 

[00:03:58] Jocelyn: there, are there 

[00:04:00] Stephanie: good men in the church as well? Can you find like some good, wholesome boys who's also, you know, Kenya?

You know, you know what I'm, you know what I'm being . 

[00:04:11] Jocelyn: You can definitely find wholesome boys who are like, who have like, you know, swag or whatever. Mm-hmm. , little swag. Um, you can definitely find them in the church. La churches are unlike churches anywhere in the world, to be honest. Okay. They're so different.

A lot of them are weird, but the good ones are actually good . Okay. So there's like, there's cool people. I. If I can be a church girl mm-hmm. , you can definitely find a good boy in the church, . Okay. 

[00:04:40] Stephanie: Okay. I have to go to your church then. Cause you know, the ones that I've been to have not been as lit as I'm 

[00:04:48] Jocelyn: sure they are.

my favorite is when the, when it's funny. when it's very fun. I love comedy, so okay, when I get to laugh, this is the best . Okay. You should 

[00:04:57] Stephanie: definitely like learn. I'll tell you all about my love life. It's fucking hilarious. Like , you're gonna lose it. . That's the best joke you have out here today. And that's all folks.

No, just kidding. But, um, okay, so. . How has your, like dating life changed like throughout your adult life? 

[00:05:23] Jocelyn: Well, when I was high school mm-hmm. , I literally. Avoided guys when they would like, okay. So I would assume they would like me, you know, like I used to wear like this mask, not a real mask, but like, I used to wear a mask where it was like this ego that I had where I was just like, I'm the best.

But like internally, I was like, I'm the worst , no. So, um, when a guy would like me, I would get like scared cause I was like, oh my God, he actually does like me. Like what? Like , like what's going on? But, um, now that I'm grown and I'm an adult, like I'm fully secure with who I am, I love me, I love life. I love all it has to offer, and I have found that men gravitate.

towards that a lot. So when you're really confident, when you really are like secure with yourself, they can see it, they can tell, you know. So men definitely do come my way. I literally went to a bar last night. I walked in, a guy grabbed me, , ooh. I walked in from the door and a guy saw me and like followed me to the bar and was like, whatever you want on my tab.

I said, period. . But, Those are not the type of guys you wanna, you know, take home to mama. Mm-hmm. Not, definitely not the church

but I love the gestures. Love the gestures. Mm-hmm. . 

[00:06:51] Stephanie: Yeah. So was the, you said you had less confidence before you, you know, you had the fake until you make it. So like, how did you make. 

[00:07:02] Jocelyn: I really like dug deep. I went into my like childhood and like visualized younger me and all the things that younger me needed.

When I was a kid, you know, all the things that I didn't get the love that I wanted to have and feel, and I gave it to myself. I just visualized me giving it to myself as an adult. Me hugging like Youngme and loving on Youngme, you know, . And um, after that, like I just realized, I'm like, wow, I, like, I really do have all the things that other people pay for or like wish they had and, and I'm not, Insecure or down on myself.

And I will never stand in a room and say that I'm not good enough because I'm more than enough every time. . 

[00:07:52] Stephanie: Every time. Yes. That's so important. Yes. Yes. And like, you know, as a black woman mm-hmm. dating, what is that process like? Like what have you noticed that's been different than, you know, some of your other girlfriends who have been dating around in la?

[00:08:12] Jocelyn: Honestly, I was literally just thinking about this the other day, how it seems like, not to say that white people are easy, but it just seems like they fall into relationships easier than black people do. And I definitely think it has to do with our upbringing. You know, a lot of, um, black people weren't raised.

Believe in relationships and that, you know, relationships are important. Um, not saying that every black person has a, is raised by a single mom, but like I was raised by a single mom. So I do fit into that stigma of, you know, I don't need no man, da, da da, da, independent woman that raised me, but. I definitely think you do need a man.

You do need a partner. Everyone needs a partner, you know, someone to ride or die with, you know, so, um, it's very different as a black woman trying to navigate that, especially in la. People can be a little colorist, not gonna lie, but. when you're pretty, pretty privileged. . It's universal. . Mm-hmm. . Yeah. So it doesn't matter.

But um, getting someone still to see you and want a relationship with you is a totally different story. Mm-hmm. that's like, . The hardest thing in LA is finding someone who really wants that A relationship. 

[00:09:35] Stephanie: Mm-hmm. . So then what is your ideal relationship? If you can build your own, you know, your own little perfect story.

[00:09:44] Jocelyn: My perfect dream story. You know, love at first sight. You know, the perfect person who's has it all together comes and swos me off my feet and takes me to wherever. Um, Yeah, that's like my dream story. . Mm-hmm. , just, you know, the fairytale I like grew up on freaking princesses and, you know, all that stuff.

And I never once doubted that that was impossible. Mm-hmm. crazy enough. , 

[00:10:15] Stephanie: I mean, as you should. I firmly believe that princesses are real and we can all be princesses. Yes. If we choose to be, we just have to pick the right princes. Mm-hmm. . 

[00:10:24] Jocelyn: Yeah. A lot of frogs out here kissing a few frogs, been kissing a lot of frogs out here.

Okay, baby, we'll 

[00:10:30] Stephanie: find the one. 

[00:10:31] Jocelyn: Maybe see

[00:10:35] Stephanie: How many frogs do we have to, how many frogs do you think a princess has kissed before they find the 

[00:10:42] Jocelyn: Prince? Honestly, I wish there was zero . I wish I was sleeping. Beauty, and then he would just come kiss me and freaking wake me up. , 

[00:10:53] Stephanie: if only I'm still waiting. Maybe we're all just dreaming right now and you know.

Right. We'll just wake up. 

[00:11:01] Jocelyn: That's. Just wake up well rested and beautiful. Right? Full face of makeup ready, prepared hair done. Hair day goes on. Listen, the thing about LA is there are so many important people, and there's also a lot of people who think they're important, so it's not like they're actually doing anything about their life.

they put on a show to make you believe they are. So that's what you run into dating in la. You run into a lot of important people, but you also run into people who think they're important. So they'll come off, they have the whole facade. I know this one girl thought this guy had it all together. Two months into the relationship he was living with her down in the dumps like , you know?

And now she's like caught up with this guy who's a mess. and she's trying to put it all together for him because, you know, the heart wants what it wants. , the heart 

[00:12:03] Stephanie: wants what it wants. But how do you tell the difference between, you know, the real ones and the poses? 

[00:12:10] Jocelyn: The real ones, they come differently.

Mm-hmm. , they, um, when you meet one, you know, like you don't even have to ask what they. , you'll just feel the shift in the room when they walk in, you know? Mm-hmm. , someone important is definitely like a different vibe, and there's people who are, I don't wanna say background players, but there's people who make a lot of money and who are successful, who aren't even like big names, you know, like celebrity, big name celebrity, or someone that you'd recognize on the street, but like they're important people and like they're good people.

And that's more often you'll run into than someone who's the opposite. Thank God, . You know, that's the thing about la. So 

[00:13:00] Stephanie: then what's your type? 

[00:13:02] Jocelyn: My type? Well, who? Rich and famous? No, . Just kidding up. For 

[00:13:09] Stephanie: anyone watching , 

[00:13:13] Jocelyn: she's a single girl, , 

[00:13:16] Stephanie: and you should take her to 

[00:13:17] Jocelyn: church this Sunday. I'm a very virtuous woman,

but um, my type is definitely someone who. has it all together. You know, I consider myself very well put together. I consider myself a perfectionist, and so my type would be someone, not to say like someone who's perfect, but you know, someone who's perfect for me. Mm-hmm. , you know, it's not like a high thing.

It's not like a look thing, but it's definitely he has to have it together. Mm-hmm. and a lot of people in LA look like they. Don't actually have it together. Yeah. Mm-hmm. , 

[00:13:58] Stephanie: so he is not toxic. , what are your toxic traits? Like red flags to wash out for in 

[00:14:05] Jocelyn: boys? Toxic red flag. Definitely multiple phones. What, what's going on there?

Is it, I understand if you're doing, like, let's say you have like business, so you have to have like an extra line, but like, Those dudes would be like, oh yeah, this is my work phone. I'm like, what work are you doing with, with the trap phone? Like facts, you know? So it's a flip 

[00:14:29] Stephanie: phone. It is not your work phone.

Just 

[00:14:32] Jocelyn: saying . Literally , multiple phones. Um, what, what else? Um, too unavailable. Like they just got too much going on. Like they're always either out of town or they're doing something. It's like, okay, well it's nice to know I'm not a priority. Like not saying that you need a freaking, give me all your time, but it would be nice to have someone who.

Has time to give. You know, like, 

then 

[00:15:04] Stephanie: why are you like dating if you don't have 

[00:15:05] Jocelyn: time to date? Exactly. Like, do what you're doing, make your money, make your coin success, whatever. But like when you're ready, let me know kind of thing. Mm-hmm. or you know, maybe I won't wear it around. So , I don't know. Probably not.

I mean, 

[00:15:22] Stephanie: probably not. He'll get scooped up so quick. , if I was a dude, I would scoop you. Really, I mean, I can't afford to scoop you up yet. You deserve the best, but in the future, maybe

what else? What are some toxic traits? What's like, what's the craziest date that you've ever gone onto? Like, like red flag 

[00:15:44] Jocelyn: date, you know? Oh my gosh. I have the funniest story to tell. Oh my gosh. Okay. Yes. So it wasn't even a horrible date. , it was just this one thing just ruined the date completely to me.

Mm-hmm. . Um, so like we, we met on set, so we were like filming something together, so we met on set and he was like, oh, I wanna take you out. And I was like, okay. Sure. Sorry. So he wanted to take me to the Getty, and so we go to the Getty Museum and that's totally fine. You know, it's a beauti beautiful museum.

Like I was taken a like away. I was like, oh, it's beautiful. But before we even get into the museum, we're on the tram. , and we were talking about the Kardashians. I don't know why. randomly, this is fun, . I don't know why, but we were talking about Kim Kardashian. He was like, oh, I don't even know why she's famous.

She has no talent, yada, yada, yada. And I was like, yeah, she's only famous for that sex tape. And he was like, she has a sex tape. And I was like, yeah, you didn't know this. He was like, no way. What? Pull it up right now. I was like, . I Can you not? Yes. He was like trying to, he was begging me to pull up the freaking Kim Kardashian sex tape while we were on, 

[00:17:03] Stephanie: is this like a first date?

First date? And he's like, yo, let's watch this. So cute together. So it's great. Like 

[00:17:11] Jocelyn: it was so like from that moment I knew, I was like, this is never. Trying to be ever a thing. Ever, ever. Did you pull it up? No, I . Okay. First of all, Not even the fact that I didn't wanna pull it up because I was like, Ew. But also like there was no signal on the freaking train, so I couldn't even, I didn't, I attempted, like I tried to help him out, but

Wow. That's so nice. Wow. You are, but there is no signal so. 

[00:17:41] Stephanie: Oh my God, that's hilarious. 

[00:17:44] Jocelyn: Wow, that's terrible. These men out here a while, I can't imagine, right? Like you're on a date with me, but you're begging me to pull up somebody else's sex tape, like Sir . Wow. I guess you don't wanna make our own like . 

[00:17:58] Stephanie: I don't know.

Would you make your own, like for like. Your love of your life for your future husband? 

[00:18:06] Jocelyn: For my husband. He can get whatever he wants. I'm submissive. I don't care. . Okay. Okay. Yes. 

[00:18:15] Stephanie: Wow. Do you wanna elaborate 

[00:18:17] Jocelyn: on that one? ? I mean, listen. If I'm in love with somebody and this person is taking care of me, and this person is truly the love of my life, they're my king.

Mm-hmm. , they're my, you know, I call them daddy. Ooh, . They'll take care of me. , 

[00:18:37] Stephanie: that makes you a queen, which is very, a very good role, topi. Period. No, it's the most important piece in chess as well. So take notes, Kings, , if you wanna get called Daddy, you gotta treat her like a queen. Period.

This is becoming like a whole relationship. Self-help . I love it. So what's the best date you've ever been on? 

[00:19:02] Jocelyn: Best date? Honestly, I don't think I've ever been on one that's like amazing. Really, I don't think, I mean, when they take you to like a fancy restaurant and like you like them and they're cool, that's nice, but it's, I've never been on like, wow, this is the best time ever.

Like never. Mm-hmm. like my dream date. I kid you not would be like, you know, probably with a guy I'm married to and we just take a bathtub . We just get in the bathtub and just take a bath together. Oh. And you know, sip champagne and like charcuterie board . Oh 

[00:19:42] Stephanie: my gosh. Love a charcuterie board. Actually I did that with my best.

Friend, like one or one of my best friends the F like the day after we met, like we met and I was like, yeah, like we should hang out. We went to the mall, we got bath bombs and we're like, we should take a bath. Oh my God. And we just sat in the bathtub, just fucking talking to each other and getting to know each other.

And we were like, this. Now, like we were, besties was like a platonic bat, 

[00:20:07] Jocelyn: what it is, but like bass, I don't know why, but like, I just feel like bass are like the most intimate thing you can do with somebody, even if it's just like a girlfriend. Like you're just like hanging out, eating food, freaking just like enjoying each other's vibe.

But like definitely with like your partner. Life-changing. . 

[00:20:30] Stephanie: Wow. Now I wanna take a bath. I gotta go find a bathtub. . 

[00:20:34] Jocelyn: Get some bubbles of it. Some bubbles in there. 

[00:20:37] Stephanie: Take a bubble bath. What like bubble flavors? Do we get flavors? Sense 

[00:20:42] Jocelyn: bubble flavors. Other flavors? I don't think we eat the bubbles. You know, , I don't think you're able to do that.

What's your favorite bubble scent? Mm. I really like lavender. Mm-hmm. . Lavender's. Nice. Yeah. Um, or fricking. Vanilla. Ooh, that's a good one. Or peppermint. Peppermint slice too. It's a little spicy . 

[00:21:06] Stephanie: And 

[00:21:06] Jocelyn: it's good for your muscles too, right? Yeah. Peppermint's. Good for you. Yes. Peppermint, it's like it's relaxed as your muscles.

I have, 

[00:21:13] Stephanie: yes. So I have one question. It's kind of a little bit off topic of, are you more, do you see yourself as like more sensual or more sexual of a person? 

[00:21:23] Jocelyn: Hmm. I think I'm a sensual person. I enjoy. all the senses. Mm-hmm. , like, I enjoy taste, touch, smell, all that. Like, I just want everything to just be pleasing, you know?

Mm-hmm. , like, I like aesthetically pleasing things, . So yeah. I consider myself a central person. I'm definitely, my, my love language is physical touch. Okay. And, If you meet me, like, you'll probably not get that vibe from me, but like, I do like to be touched, but not, you know, just by anybody but . Like if it's someone's weird, like specifically do not touch me.

Oh my gosh. Yeah. But like my love language, if you wanna get on my good sign, just like hug me, kiss me, just like. Treat me like a doll, like a baby. Like just take care of me. cuddles like, come here, gimme the 

[00:22:12] Stephanie: cuddles, the cuddle puddle. Oh my gosh. We have to have a cuddle puddle. Should have like a little cuddle puddle in the bathtub.

[00:22:19] Jocelyn: Yes. Gimme the cuddles. Bathtub. . 

[00:22:23] Stephanie: So do you have any tips for anyone who's trying to date while still, you know, following through with their. . 

[00:22:35] Jocelyn: Yes. So do not be like me. Don't be out here getting. Insanely drunk tip number one, . Don't be out here getting insanely drunk. Not saying I do that often, but random nights I do cuz I'm so tiny.

Like it's, I just think I can drink with the big boys and I cannot. So it sounds, matters when it comes to alcohol. . Yes. So tip number one. Try to be as sober as possible when you are looking for love as sober as possible, because I swear a few drinks hit suddenly. Everybody's beautiful , those beer goggles.

Yes, beer goggle, some beer, like I don't even drink beer. So in this tequila said, you are cute. I mean, tequila. 

[00:23:30] Stephanie: Is a whole nother bo 

[00:23:33] Jocelyn: tequila. Listen, Hennie makes me wanna fight Tequila, makes me wanna kiss . 

[00:23:37] Stephanie: There's this why I drink tequila and mescal and not Hennessy. Mezcal. Mezcal, you know, cuz it's like, I like whiskey, but whiskeys like I can't be drinking whiskey like that.

But I love what tequila makes me feel. So it's like a mix of the both worlds and you don't get a hang. When you just, 

[00:23:55] Jocelyn: oh, she's cultured. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Teach me 

[00:23:58] Stephanie: in Mexico. Who wants to take me to William ? . 

[00:24:02] Jocelyn: Girls Trip. Girl Trip. . Um, so yeah, roll number one. Try to be as sober as possible. Wine is the best.

Wine is the best anywhere to be honest. Um, rule number two, I would, I would literally say don't. Like, you know, like I want, like if you're looking, don't look . Oh yeah. Not saying like stay away from it completely, but like let it come to you. Like let men come to you. Like they'll just come, you know, you don't even have to eat.

Just be a woman. Like Yeah, just exist. And they'll come, you know, like it's crazy. So just let it come. just don't, um, what is it? What is that? What do they say when they're, you're manifesting like when you're Yes. Don't attract. Yeah. Attract, don't search. Attract, yes. Attract. So rule number two is attract.

Rule number one, be sober as possible. Rule number two, attract, let men just come to you and like, it's different because in LA especially, Even this is majority famous people, like famous men, always want a woman to chase them. Which is crazy because they're like, everybody's on me. Why are you not, you know,

So they, they wanna be chased, but like, as a woman, that's not our role. Like our role is to just attract, to just have it come to us, you know? I mean, we are the receivers, so our, our role is to receive. So just let it, let it come. . Um, and the last one would be

to just

don't be afraid of surprises. Mm-hmm. , that's the last rule. Be sober. Attract, like, just let the love come to you. And three, don't be afraid of surprises. So like, sometimes we'll put someone in a box, like a friend zone, or we'll put someone, um, out of our reach and say, be like, oh, no, no, no, but like, That very person could literally be the love of your life, and you don't even know it yet, you know?

Mm-hmm. . It's crazy. . So stay open-minded to stay open very much whenever they come. Yes. Mm-hmm. . Yes. Stay open. 

[00:26:31] Stephanie: And then before we close, what are some green flags to look out 

[00:26:36] Jocelyn: for? Green flags? Yes. Um, 

[00:26:39] Stephanie: specifically maybe for like when you're dating as a Christian, that could be helpful. 

[00:26:44] Jocelyn: Three things specifically that Christian girls are always looking for.

Um, and a man protector provider. And. So those are the three green flags. So someone who can protect you. Not saying like ohman G, like you're freaking getting beat up and he's like over there defending you. Like, not like that. But like someone who is, first of all, to be a protector, you kind of have to be around, you know, there to protect.

Um, cause just being a woman in general is so hard. Even in LA there's. A lot of people on the streets who are kind of crazy. So , you definitely do need a protector. Um, not saying you need to be a bodyguard, but like just someone who can just be there. Mm-hmm. , protect, um, provide, provide is important and I think a lot of men are able to do that.

Um, but the problem is they're not able to lead. S a good man is all three protector, provider, leader, you know? Mm-hmm. . So like someone, someone who's a leader would be like, let's go on a date. and they'll have the venue already planned and things like that. A lot of men be like, oh, so what are you trying to do?

Come over. It's like , like That's red flag. Red flag. Why is he texting you at fricking 9:00 PM Like, where you at? What are you doing? Last 10:00 PM 

[00:28:11] Stephanie: is like boot hours. like, why are you texting me at booty call hours? Call me during business hours tomorrow, nine to five, . 

[00:28:17] Jocelyn: Exactly. Exactly. Listen. If you wanna go to dinner, that's cool, but like, don't just freaking hit my line with what's up.

Wanna come over? , what are you doing? Yep. Hey.

Be a leader. Tell me you wanna take me freaking hiking? Tell me you wanna freaking, oh, I don't wanna go hiking, but like, tell me you wanna take me to some more fun? I thought everybody in LA loved hiking. Apparently I do not. No, I don't hate it, but I'll go. Yeah, sometimes, but it's not like, I'm not all Dorseys

It's okay. It's nice to, I'm a city girl. It's pulled outside right now, so. Oh, city girl. What, what? Wait. I saw, um, what's her name that, uh, that guy who recently, um, got a divorce jar, Derek Jackson. Derek Jackson. Okay. I don't know if you know who that is, but he's like a big YouTuber and apparently like he's just recently divorced.

His wife who like last year we found out he was cheating on her and she had posted something on her TikTok about like, Christian girl summer. And I'm like, yay, Christian girl Summer. Even though like she was in the pool wearing literally, um, Full outfit. Like let's say I just dive in the pool with this song.

Actually she was more clothed than I am right now. Wow. So I'm like, listen, I'm Christian, but like I'll take my clothes off. Like I'm a normal person. I don't freaking go swimming and freaking swimming. Swimming and sweatpants and baggy, see each their own. 

[00:29:50] Stephanie: But I feel like that'd be kind of uncomfortable, like getting out.

I like less clothes when I'm swimming. But you know what? Maybe it could be fun. We should try it. 

[00:30:00] Jocelyn: Listen, anytime I ever seen a man with a shirt on in the pool, I'm immediately enraged. Red flag. Red flags. Red flag. So toxic of him. , take it off. 

[00:30:14] Stephanie: Oh my gosh. . Well. This has been very fun. Cheers to 

[00:30:22] Jocelyn: Yay. Christian girl.

Summer Christian girl. Summer. 

[00:30:26] Stephanie: Yay. Boys. Not wearing shirts and pools so we can see 

[00:30:29] Jocelyn: what you're working with. Yes. We need to know, like, hold on. A lot of girls do like a little beer belly. I don't, but like other girls do. Um, bad buds are still in, so yeah. Let the girls.

[00:30:48] Stephanie: Oh, thanks for coming on the show. This has been really fun. . This was 

[00:30:51] Jocelyn: dope. Enjoyed it.

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