This is like the fear, it's like so silly and ridiculous because, you know, just like with food pleasure comes in all, all different forms and we're so scared to really want what we want

On The Beyond Dating Podcast. Today we had our special guest, Leiti Hsu, and she's the Dining Dominatrix. Can't wait for you to hear more.

And our sponsor for today. Today's episodes is beyond the newest dating app in town. Check it out at DateBeyond.co.

So tell me, tell me about yourself, your latey, the dining Dori. What does

that mean? Uh, who I am is kind of like, uh, a culmination of everything that's felt good and felt bad that I've ever experienced in my whole entire life.

And you know, I grew up this little immigrant Asian kid, Taiwan used to be exact. I was born in Taiwan, came over to California when I was two years.  had a childhood of not permission, not pleasure, fun and enjoyment was not valued in in my childhood culture with my parents. You know, they were too busy, like making a life in a new place and just making sure that they took really good care of us.

So what happened was that only later on in life, after a lot of just dating, not knowing anything in my. . I realized on the day that my mother passed away when I happened to be making Taiwan's beef noodle soup for 120 people up at this conference called Summit Series, I realized that my first and only love language was food because my parents expressed no other love languages but feeding me.

So after learning that, um, Lacking the awareness of all the other ways to connect with a person. That's really what the day my mother died and I was making this noodle soup happen, and that was really when I realized that, you know, the ingredients of my work and my art are food, love, permission, pleasure, fun and enjoyment, flavor and culture, which is what I'm, what I'm really good at.

Wow. So tell me

more about your

flavors. My flavors? Yes. Uh, uh, I'm a full flavor person. My, you know, my, my pleasures food and sex never really, never really took on a whole lot of, um, a whole lot of guilt, you know, because they were, they, they started out. Fortunately, very, almost clean and pure, like my trauma is more around identity and self-worth, and around putting myself on a menu and pricing myself.

I feel like, uh, because my parents didn't hang out with me, like they didn't, you know, say, oh my God, thank you so much for this gift. When I would hand make something, you know, some kind of crafty present for my mom. There was such a little expression that I didn't know until recently that I had acquired this belief of I am, I am not important because my parents just didn't pay attention to me.

They didn't have fun with me. So food and sex though, those are like, Like, I'm, I'm just like, ra ra ra . So, so, uh, you know, when I sort of discovered sex, I was a little girl in a bathtub and had the orgasm feeling and was like, whoa, if only I could bottle this feeling up and sell it for a lot of money, it could lead to world peace and.

And then later on I, I sort of upleveled my dream design and thought, you know, if I could bottle this up, sell it for a lot of money, then use that money to give it away to all people, then it could really lead to old peace. You know, like an extra abundant feeling about not just like sex, like literally sucks, but just pleasure.

Like the pleasure of living that we are. It's so hard to like stop to smell the rose. . But if the people who are making the decisions in this world, the people with the power, the, the resources, the people we task with this decision making, they have to give a damn about pleasure. Like they have to have had the pleasure of, you know, warm tomatoes with barada, like fresh from the garden, from this farmer chef, or, you know, the pleasure of Hoka Uni in the market.

Uh, in Sao . Oh my goodness, right? Like, if, if people, if right, do we trust the people to be making really optimized decisions about climate change if they don't actually like, embody, like I give myself the permission to have pleasure. So, so the, the permission to have pleasure and connection through food and sensuality and, and way more through the arts through.

Through vibration. That's, that's some of what my experiences and my conversations that I love to host are all about.

Wow. Now my mouth is watering. I'm excited. . So what, what's a tip for somebody who's, you know, looking to explore these pleasures? Like how do you get over that little hump that might be holding you back?

Hmm hmm. That is a great. That is a great question. Um, so I think that like three tips coming, coming to mind are, you know, the, you know, the yes and principle to, to doing comedy. Like you never say, you never like you're, what I've noticed is that, for instance, let's just say with food, people more often than not are just not comfortable getting out of their comfort.

And a lot of our hangups about food, like, oh, I don't eat that. Or, oh, you know, that's, that's gonna be not good for me. So I have guilt around it. A lot of that may come from, you know, childhood beliefs, the way your parents raised you. It could be coming, it's most likely coming from other things like non-food related fears and, and, um, and a need to be in control.

Right? So I find it a shame.  that people really are less likely than not to get out of comfort zone when it comes to food or sex, et cetera. So one of the first things is, you know, when you feel this feeling of no, like, or, you know, you have this initial feeling of, oh, that's not for me. Like, it's, it's probably a good idea to pause every single time and assess like, you know, what, what is it about this thing that, you know, that I'm, I'm fearful of?

Like, You know, stuff in the butt. Like why is that? Is this because you think people might judge you? Because they might find out, because we have this very, very, like linear, like men must only, you know, not like stuff, uh, in the butt because you might be like possibly able to, you know, feel sexual pleasure from anything other than, um, female identifying, you know, like if you're like a.

Cis straight male, like this is like the sphere. It's like so silly and ridiculous because, you know, just like with food pleasure comes in all, all different forms and we're so scared to really want what we want and and wanting what we want and wanting so much of it. Like for instance, women being hungry for cock.

Like, are we allowed to say, say all the words here? Of course. Speak freely, please. Um, so it's like that still is something that, um, gosh, uh, well, as I, as I speak about this on, on podcasts, you know, the only person that should have a problem with this is, I suppose my Asian father. Because you otherwise don't judge me, right?

Um, but it is still a very vulnerable thing to admit to one's own hunger. Um, wanting is such a scary thing because once you really want a thing, many things all at the same time or, or wanting too much of it being too much, like that's something that is, um, I, I find overshadows women identifying. So, um, so really like the, the yes and, and the really being, examining your own fear of wanting and then, and then examining all of this to say like, what is it that I'm actually scared of?

And then looking at childhood like those, that's kind of the set of ways to really allow yourself to let your guard down and get out of your comfort zone. Food, sex, and.

Wow, that's, that's amazing. .

So when you

Oh, about food , what is the dining Dori experience? When I go, if I go to dinner with you, what happens?

So, um, So my experiences are really, it really depends on what it is that the person or persons would like is right for that particular goal, intention, occasion, right? Like it's, I'm always surprised, like people are like, how many people usually at are your things? And like I would be like, well, how many people usually at are your things?

I don't just do one on one, but I can do, you know, one with two and one to 200. It just depends on what, what we want, right? What, and, you know, what I would say what we want, but also what we don't even know that we want. So that's something I really enjoy, uh, enjoy opening folks up to is the, you know, that best, that really amazing feeling when you.

Connect someone to what they didn't even know that they wanted and they connect back with themselves more fully. They're like, oh my God, I forgot I did this, you know, uh, roller skating when I was a kid, or, wow, I really like, love stuff in the, but who would've th But you know, this one partner, you know, opened me up to it.

Or, oh, wow. I actually love expressing myself through jewelry, but I never thought I, I would, you know, all these things that are brand. . And by the way, uh, discovering those brand new things, when isn't it true that it's actually our, our, you know, when we, when we choose to partner in whatever way that partnership looks like, that's the opportunity to really up level together.

So how would we

up level together? Okay, so I, I didn't actually answer your question cuz I got so excited. , can you tell that like, like the people who like date me, they have to really be able to. Follow the, yeah. Cause I'm like, I'm, I'm like in, in dreamland right now. You're asking me all these questions that make my insides tightened up.

That's exciting. That's what I love. So, so for instance, I've hosted and created experiences around the world, even in an Antarctica. I'm really excited to say that I use the word compersion in the New York Times. Not about, not just about food, not just about Scx, but you know, F any kind, love and pleasure and, and the, the joy of food and drink, you know, just, I feel, I feel ecstatic when I see someone having really good sushi maccas or noodle soup, like, and probably would like to be having some at the same time.

But, um, you know, yeah, . So, uh, I might do one-on-one sessions where I help you to surrender to the magic to, to through you. Coaching couched in cocktails and way more, uh, a night or a weekend of experiences that I put together. Well, fun fact, I, one of my past companies is a venture funded travel planning startup, so we were really scaling travel planning.

So I have, I have the, the, the ideas and the connects around the world to, to make something very special happen, food and beyond. Um, we might meet up with some experts and Doras locally, so it could be a whole entire set of experiences. And through those experiences we just discover more about ourselves.

And by the way, what's fun about this and why I enjoy my work and art so much is that I'm also learning about myself at the same time. So it's not this like one sided thing where, you know, I'm just focused on you, but I'm really sharing some really private and vulner. Stuff about me so that we can, again, up level together.

So that's like a one on one experience, a one on like, let's say two experiences. Sometimes couples. I work with couples, whether it's for dining experiences and more so for, for Valentine's Day of mid lockdown 2021. Justin and Hailey Bieber wanted to have sushi. The best of the best at home. , I brought my roving acae concept, you know, Alma Casa being not just about sushi, but the, the feeling of trust me, you know, so brought a chef, just two of us, and we really took care of them.

And then the one to many could be, let's say, um, a dream dinner party for 65 folks. You know, we always sell out in residency at gospel in soho, New York City, which is the dinner party. Out of my imagination of art, art, art, art. And then people get it. They come dressed for me because they know that they are also part of the art and the conversation is part of the art cuz we've like forgotten the feeling of conversation that like art of conversation.

And then, uh, one to 200 or more is just, you know, I might mc or speak and host to too many, many. But then, you know, I think, I think what's. You know, while, while that is amazing and the conversation, the art of conversation is really, it really titillates me. But the, there's like this particular intimate number of people in a room, especially people who move, people who move, people that I'm, that really turns me on.

Like I really, I, I think that a lot of the people who move, people who move people, Like me, like overachiever in some way, like right. We're like, da, da, da. And then especially, especially folks who have this like perfectionist, uh, everything, the best kind of, no mis I shouldn't, I can't make any mistakes. I can really relate with you.

And it's really fun to spoil you with food. Love, permission, pleasure, because like we need it to unlock ourselves. Oh, the fun. I

love being spoiled with food and pleasure and all

that . So

how do you de design the relationship that you would like?

How do I design? Oh, you know,

it's kind of surreal. Uh, I'm finding that everything on the outside really comes from what my beliefs are on the. . And, um,

it really, I, I know, like I'm saying all these things like, oh, just be yourself or, oh, work on you, and then the right person will come. But, uh, we we're in this, we're in this world with people who seem to blame, like outside circumstances for why things aren't happening. So, okay, first of all, like, you know, , maybe it's like I'm not happy with my body or the way that I look in particular clothes, when really there's these underlying things about, hey, giving myself the permission to express myself through what I'm wearing.

So actually taking what I help people with is really feeling the pleasure of dressing up, like dressing up, you know, having big banana energy here at Art Basel in Miami. Like you make the people around you smile and. . And so, so there's kind of this underlying like belief of like, I'm not allowed to express myself, or there might be an underlying belief of I'm not worth, you know, taking care of myself.

So then, so then just because of some, there's these, this kind of, uh, this one becomes fearful of one's own, you know, best, best, highest, most powerful self. So there's all this underlying stuff. And,

and once, once,  a person gets a little push in the right direction, right? Like we all are already complete. But I f I found that I had all the great ingredients of being me on the table, but it was only like way later on in life, like mid thirties that I, I found two great teachers, Lauren Hendel Zander, and Shelly Leko, who they're two incredible shepherds coaches.

One around dream design, the other around beliefs. Elimination, like getting, like really being open to that help and getting that help to just put those ingredients in, in the pot in the right way, in the most empowered way. Um, staying true to my own dream, really eliminating beliefs like I am unlovable and I am not important, like how you know stuff.

Oh, you know, another thing is actually owning up to the fact.  actually admitting to, you know what, I'm not really good at dating and I wonder what it is. Like, I wonder what it is that I'm doing again and again and again. And that's leading to the same result. And that is what we call insanity. So, so I found that once I eliminate a particular belief and then I step out into the evening, do my, I recommend a little bit of meditation and masturbation.

Before stepping out into the night because, you know, kind of have, especially really for female identifying folks, you know, this like, we're like this fountain of abundance and creation and so kind of get the party started before the party and then you're like, ah, wow, I have such a, she has such a glow like aqua about her.

So, you know, I definitely know that Glow , so like, uh, like eliminating that belief, right? Like the other night here in Miami, I, I did a, okay, I'm gonna take the time to do a session with Shelly. Then like, when I stepped out into the evening and into the morning, I was like, oh my gosh. Like everything is just different.

Like people are seeing me differently, like, because, Every single cell in my body is now operating under a new belief system because our beliefs create our reality. I, I am just meeting all of these people, and it's not just about men, but just about women and about just people who embrace me and say things that feel like they're reading out of the script of my subconscious.

Like one morning one, one dude came up to me and was like, Are valuable. And I was like, what? Who are you? Like, just stop reading my diary.  notes in

the diary are valuable. That's what

I'm gonna write down to. And I switched the name of my journal. So words are so important, right? Mm-hmm. , like, be so careful about what you say to yourself.

So I changed the word journal to diary to make it more cute and sexy. Okay? And like romantic. Ooh, what's

another word I can turn? That seems normal, but I wanna turn it cute and sexy.

Hmm. Oh, wow. Well, this is a, so, you know how there's this, I mean, consent is so important. It's such a, it's such a tough topic.

Um, you know, just really like, yeah, so, so, so hard. Um, but maybe because it's, it's a necessary step and it's a heavy, big step for us. Maybe tweaking it to, you know, the permission, the permission word, something a little. , um, permission to me feels a little bit more like, like dainty and like kind of a, like the dining Dori has a whole set of, of, of rules of modern dating.

I mean, I don't have it all figured out, but I have some things figured out. Tell me some of your rules. Oh, okay. This is a, this is an important, this is an important topic. I'm curious, what are, what are some of your roles, just so I can. Ground with you? Yeah. When I'm dating someone. Yeah. Yeah. What like, just like what do, what have you figured if you gimme a taste of what you figured out?

Um, okay. I like to feel respected and heard like we are equals, you know, cuz I like a little power dynamics play, but only sexually  not in my lifestyle. You know, I wanna feel like I'm your partner. Mm-hmm. . , should I get spicier? Like ?

Oh, yeah. I mean, but, um,

uh, women come

first. Mm-hmm. . That's

one of my big rules. I mean, obviously, because, you know, I don't know, it's like the male orgasm is so anti-climatic. Yeah.

And like, I can keep going after, you know, like we can go again and again versus like, once you're done,

you're done. Yeah. It's also where you, you became bored.

You know, like the pussy is the original, the original trauma. Woo. Flying out and the original pleasure, you know. . Yeah. Okay. So some of, uh, some of some of my rules. Okay. This rules you, and by the way, do you mean are you more interested in like personally or like big picture? Both. Like my deal. Okay. Yeah, both.

Okay. Well, um, rules, for me, you really have to have minimal dietary restrictions. Like, that's really hard for me. Yeah. I'm, I'm such a share, like, I think on. Now defunct OkCupid profile a long time ago was like, sharing without share plates, you know, kind of thing. Ba uh, I'm, I think I'll just, I don't want to go into like a laundry list.

Um, but I think a really, one that I've really scratched my head about is I do enjoy people who are very, uh, and I think it's because it's kind of who I am, like paradoxical in a person. Like you've got like both sides going. , you know, the people who are like, oh, I only like this, or I never do this. Those words are just like, most likely it's going to, yeah.

It's hard for me to, I'm like such a full menu person. Like I want to have all the experiences of co-creating a whole entire life with, with my, you know, future person to do life with. And then with my communities, like I'm highly polyamorous in terms of community. I'm just, I just. Love to contribute to and receive from and get along with so many different people.

And, and so this person's gonna have to really be able to experience this like mishmash of a grand, grand and intimate, you know, life together, doing all of the things. And I'm kind of this, this hope hopeless romantic that turned into. Like a, like a hopeful romantic with some of the guidance that I've gotten at the same, so I have these like traditional, like you said, you, you, you don't like a power dynamic in, in real life.

I kind of have like a, like a bit of a, like, you know, it's still cute when doors are opened. Like that's, that's still hot to me, like as a, as the context for all sorts of all sorts. Dynamics in the bedroom. So I have this mix of totally full menu, like hate, hate. Even labels, like labels help us to, to really relate with one another and to ask for that consent and permission.

Like it's, it is important because humans like to be able to understand, like, and define things, but I've, uh, I've found myself to, to be who I am, really doing it my own way more.  in another question. So that, that's some of my things that are like my values and vision, things that are important to me and sort of rules, um, in terms of rules for, in terms of rules for dating for all.

Okay. Remember, remember what we were saying about beliefs? Mm-hmm. , so, so I'm shocked at how much we're like, we we're in the city, like New York or la and like. There's no one in, there's no one good in New York. You know, how many times do we hear that? Like ? It's like,

I definitely say that when I'm looking at dating apps in Miami.

of course. Yeah, totally. Right? But then it's not like if you moved to Miami or that you moved to Wisconsin, it's gonna be any better. It's not like, you know, we're not, I, as much as we have all of the kind of eat, pray, love fantasies about going far away and meeting our person. And yes, while that does happen, most likely than not, your person lives like where?

Likes a kind of a shape of a neighborhood or in nature. The person spends most of his, her day's time somewhere that where the lifestyle, like some of the pragmatic aspects match or the pragmatic aspects that lead to the feeling aspects. So in New York City, in Noleta, Bowery neighborhood, I feel this luxury of being able to walk everywhere.

So probably my, my person's gonna get off on that. , but it's kind of like a very basic logistical thing, but it gives me so much pleasure. Okay. So stop saying there's no one good in New York, because if you keep saying that, you're going to meet no one Good. In New York. Okay. Beliefs? Uh, one more my just, I'll just two.

Yeah. Oh, and by the way, maybe, maybe, you know, , open up your awareness at the bar or the restaurant that you love, like love going to where you're a regular app because like probably that person is solo dining at the thing that you love so much cuz y'all, you'll have the same taste and or, you know, you know, same thing for rock climbing, right?

Like, really do the things that you, that give you that big feeling of pleasure and. , right? If there was like a public place where we could hang out in bathtubs, like I would go do that. Or like, if we could have like a, like a group thing of petting puppies and mdma, which I will host, that's one of my ideas.

Uh, or if we could all get massages together, right? Like just, I love that. I wanna come to your puppy party . Right, right. Like, right. Would that be, and then we get, and then we get the same kind. Folks, like maybe people bring their dogs. Like, you know, I love it when like, dog owners in New York, they could like tell it's a couple and it's got two dogs.

Okay. Um, so , so second rule, this one's really important, really boring. You're gonna hate it. Well, you might not hate it cuz I'm, I'm, tell me, tell me what you think this is. So first of all, Dating apps, linear, sucky tech is, and human have not like on so many, in so many industries, tech and human. Like, whether it's web three, whether it's like travel planning or whether it's like hospitality or, or, or, or dating.

Tech and human have to be, they have to just, mm. You know, they have to really be so together and. I think we are in a time where through meditation, consciousness and psychedelics and, and stuff and pe more people getting more therapy. People are working on themselves more than ever, and we want to connect, but the tools are so broken that it's like actually devastating.

So, so okay. In that case, like, let's, let's use, let's like make up for some of what locks in what the tools are today. So when. You know when you meet someone, you know, whether it's a blind date that a friend set you up on the old fashioned way, or whether it's like a swipe, swipe on, you know, the typical Tinder, which is like really hard to sort through, right?

Like so much noise. It's really simple. Actually get on a video call first, like get on a FaceTime or WhatsApp, like actually do the thing, like why would you get all dolled up to go have. Two hours of your life wasted on someone that you didn't like. Just have a quick 10 minute thing, Hey, like, what are your deal breakers?

Bing, bang, boom. Like, before you fall into lus with another, like with a person that is not even right. Like I, I'm surprised at how many people date for like a year and it's like, oh, you don't want kids. And you like, why would you even. , put yourself through that, you know, so have that courage to do that video call and ask the questions.

I will definitely have the courage for that. Next time.

I have one second. Just a second. Okay. . Hold that thought. Pause.

Okay. Sound? Hmm. Question. Um.

I think one of them being, uh, the permission to want what we want. Yeah. That was a good one. Yeah. Yeah. Oh God. Yeah. Otherwise, okay. Give yourself, that's a really good one, and it sounds like. It's like, have you listened to yourself? You know? Yeah. Cuz we we're like, we could have everything. I mean, we could have this and that, but, but you touched on it cause it's like this idea of guilt.

Yeah. I feel guilty for wanting this, you know?

And it's scary. It's scary because you don't know if you're gonna get it. So like to actually acknowledge, oh my God, I really, I really need, like, you know, if I'm not Mariah Carey and I have like a private Ma ma. I need like actual, like, you know, like world class. World class massage, a world

class massage.

We should definitely, we should do a world class massage after this. Oh,

yeah. . Speaking of, oh, . Um, of,

do you have any tips? For anyone looking to explore self pleasure, like how do you get over that hump of, oh, what do I do? How do I get there? What do

I start? Oh, okay. This is such a fun one cuz I actually, believe it or not, I really only, Hmm,

I really only recently had the, recently like meeting in my mid thirties, had the. Realization, um, the imagination to believe that I could orgasm from just penetration alone, it was previously inaccessible to my imagination. So then, and by the way, like that dude wasn't even the one who did it. It was like the, the acid that gave me the, like, imagination.

And then I was like, I went home and like did it on my own, you know? It was like, isn't that great? ? Just unlocking news spots. It's like the video game of like, this is my video game. Avatar

I mean, of course I'm sitting here talking about love and pleasure. What else am I doing on a, on a, on a Sunday? Fun Sunday. This is the best. This is my life. Yeah, this is like . Okay. So I was born to, okay. Um, so, so then, That opened up a whole new menu of possibilities that became extra delicious to me. But then, right, like, that made me be so much more wanti and then the wantingness across all of the aspects of a person that, um, and like I'm such, I'm, I'm s I'm like a snicker snacker, but then I'm also.

You know, definitely saving myself for sushi. Ma cae, I'm using all these food , you know what I mean? Like, I'll, I'll get some hot Cheetos from the, like gas station, but, okay, so, so I really wanted to want things I like, you know, I want like the equivalent of a sushi ma cae on like a very highly frequent basis.

And then it's scary to want what it is that you want because what, what if I don't get it? So, okay. So with that in mind, I realize maybe, and by the way, this is about, this, is we will get to the how do you give yourself the permission to self pleasure better and better? Um, by the way, that that was it.

It's like, hey, if, if you don't get what you need, but you have a new imagination for it, then you go pursue it yourself. , I love a solo dining experience.

a solo dining experience is what I'm thinking of, and I think I limit to .

Uh, so, so at one point then shortly thereafter, my up-leveling of my imagination, all the ways that I can be pleasured. Another thought is, you know, I, I realize I would have to spoil myself with pleasure in order to spoil others with pleasure.

Yes. Okay. Right. So that's another thing. You have to actually, you actually have to be selfish first before you, you're able to, you know, otherwise it's like you're, you're doing it purely in service. And by the way, service, like a massage, like, you know, working as a bartender, it's. , it's gonna be a better feeling.

People can feel how much you're actually enjoying it, right? So if you're doing it purely in this only self-sacrificial kind of way, unless you're like a true submissive and that's like the thing of the thing. But usually, well, no, actually I take that back. Even that you can tell when someone really.

Getting off on service, and that is what is hot. That's what's not so incredibly twisted and naughty about it. Right? Also, when you know someone in the submissive role believes that he or she is, well, actually subconsciously in an extra dirty way, actually commanding the situation, right? Because you're providing the, the pleasure and the, and the person is happy with you, and so you somehow have this sense of control because you can, right?

So the toppings, the bomb, bombings the top. Okay. . So, okay. Can you remind me where I was? I forgot . I was in like a visual mode

where you're talking about submission, where you're talking about, uh, self pleasure. Oh yeah,

self pleasure. Okay. So I know I'm giving you all this context to make it, make this, this moment really, um, really make sense as to like who I am so, and who you can be with me.

Like I invite you to join this adventure. So the thing about dildos is,  when you want them. It's kind of like dirty socks and you forgot to take them to the laundry. Mm-hmm.  like when you need them, it's, it's already too late. You're like already like, oh yeah. Horny the

battery's dead or

something. Yeah.

Horny for clean socks. You're like, okay. Right. So one time I was like, I finally made it. I finally made it to Bayland and Lower East Side. You know, quick walk away from my, where I live, where I can manifest anything, whether it's to Masu or dildos or world class cocktails. Albu. Casaa. Yes. Okay. So I walk over and I'm like ready to take matters into my own hands because I realize, okay, now I can orgasm on penetration and then now I can, I can take matters into my own hands because I'm an independent.

So I was like, I gotta like compare what my options are, you know? So , I went to, I went to Babeland, uh, looked at all the, looked at all the options, had a very grown up conversation with the shop, the shopkeeper, and, and there's so many choices, so many colors. I mean, really like, if you haven't taken yourself to a, something, a sex toy selection in some time, like really go do that.

So that's like my, my big advice. Now you can't return the things so  you can't return the things you really have to like, you know, do a little trial and error. Um, the pieces are, are pretty, pretty pricey, you know? Um, and I got this like stamp card, um, you know, like bubble tea or you know, your favorite coffee shop.

And it was like, okay, now I have the stamp card. And I realized I wanted to experiment further.  and return back like within the week, and then use the stamp card just like my Asian mom would've done for bubble tea, right? . I was like, okay, I'm now like this. I'm taking off the, my own mother. You know, I, I'm bringing a stamp card into the shop, but we're like doing it for different things perhaps.

I love that. So have a, have a sense of humor about it, you know, is, and, and really it, it doing, having that feeling more, like, having the feeling of, okay, this feels good to me, and, and taking matters into your own hands and really being like, I'm gonna go get that or do that. Right. It, it does bring in more of that like, yeah.

Wow.

So I'm gonna finish up with why. It's my new segment, . Where? Um, why not? I would love to, if you could share something, a time you were like, why not? I'll try it. And it turned out really well for you and you enjoyed

it. Mm-hmm. . Oh, well, huh? I have to cheer you for that. Cheers. . Huh? . Hmm.

I have so many stories, , uh, okay. So this one especially, especially pleased the dining nominat trick. Okay, so one time I stayed in town for a day more cuz I was supposed to have some dinner meeting the next day and. Meant to be in Italy, Italy for a, a gig. So, so I brought myself to a dinner party where there was this, there was six women, and then one dude, the naked chef, and he, I didn't know what it was all about.

It was like a friend who invited me and I was like, okay, cool. Like, I'll bring, I'll, I'll, you know, put on my best kimono.  and just go have a, have a time here. And this chef was not ex exactly naked. He was like wearing this like cool, like loin cloth and like had like glow in a dark paint. And he was like, this kind of just, and of course I'm kind of like a bit of a food snob, so I'm like, oh, who is this chef?

And like, you know, I was like, what? Like where am I? You know? I'm open though, you know, and I just like, just open, um, ready to surrender to the magic. And that's, I think, something I'm really looking for in a, in a person. The like ultimate wing, the ultimate like dream dinner party, permanent, you know, seat at the table.

Because I think the people who sit at my table are just pretty, pretty inspiring and, yeah, pretty dope. So I'm at this table with like five other fabulous women and it turns out that each course is paired with a different central. Delight and it wasn't like super, you know, X-rated or anything. It was like, you know, like this head scotch or thing or different delightful sensations.

So I'm like really good at life and because I love massage, and massage is always the clue to like the path I should follow in the evening. Like it's always massage, always unlocks magic for. Yeah. And I choose the foot massage cause I'm like, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so, because there's only one dude, like you could, I thought I will, I would love to co-host with you.

Like different dudes, different sensation. Like, you know, we have plenty of dudes like da da one to one ratio or many to one ratio. But we, I only had like, there was only one dude to six women. Mm. So now I'm getting nerdy about, okay. The setup. So I'm getting excited. Okay, so I'm getting a foot massage under the table and above the table.

I'm, I'm asking, you know, what's your favorite food? What's your favorite sex? These two questions I love to ask and talk about endlessly with just about anyone. Like at Dream Dinner Party, I'll bring people up to the stage and talk, what's your favorite food? What's your favorite sex? And like, put it all together.

Tells me a lot about you. We'll, we'll do that. Okay. Yeah, we'll get people together for dinner. Uh, so I'm getting my feet massage on the table. I'm doing a little like bit of a impromptu podcast conversation above the table. Everyone's like, yum. And then the dude, the naked chef under the table was like, may I use my mouth?

And I was like, oh, yeah, I. Totally. And I actually have had my toes sucked like a few times, but like under a dinner table, like that was like this tableau out of my dreams. I didn't know I even had like, you know, when you, you know what I mean? No. I was like, okay, this is like, this works for me. Like I'm meant to be here.

Like, yeah. Dream dinner, party of life, . So, uh, so that was really, uh, intriguing experience cuz it, it was this, this distraction that. It, it, it was almost like a bootcamp of pleasure. Like I had to maintain my focus talking to people above the table when under the table there was something naughty going on.

And I mean, he even like cleaned my feet with the, like, washcloth and bathe, like it was all like, near, near. And then actually I'll, I'll, I'm gonna give you a little cherry on top or banana on top and, and give you a little taste of the origin of the big banana energy here at Art Fossil.  later on in the evening, we, we all put on harnesses with banana bananas and put chocolate sauce all over and I got like chocolate all over my kimono and we like, we ate one another's bananas.

And then that was what inspired the banana glory hole art piece and performance that I did at Art Basel last year, where I changed people's lives by giving the permission to put it in your mouth. . And then the last, the last like little, the sprinkles now is that when, when this naked chef asked me for the help to, to get the, uh, the glow and dark paint off of his, his body after we were all said and done, and he was like, oh yeah, what do you, what do you do?

Yeah, I'm, I'm the Donny Dominatrix. I do art, I do business. No, no, no, no, no. And then I'm like, what do you do? And he goes, oh, and then actually you. I, in this case, you know, I'm, um, respecting someone's privacy even though this was not a secret cuz everyone was there to witness it. But in, uh, I'm gonna be, um, a little bit conservative and describe this person.

As a fellow performance artist who has created one of the most impactful, many, many people, families have experienced, Art and performance and his concept has been very commercially successful. Like it's like a household name. And so to meet a fellow artist, performance artist and actually collaborate in, in improvisation, not even knowing that I was the dining dominations and he was this, this icon was like just blew my mind.

Wow. Yeah. Wow. Thank

you so much for sharing and chatting with me. I had such a great conversation. I can't wait to come to one of your dinners. Cheers,

you. Thank you so much for having me. This was delightful. Yes. Yeah, we should. Sunday. Sunday, Sunday. Brunch self pleasure.

Sunday.

Every Sunday.  Thank you so much.

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